Growing up, me and the sandman fought…a lot, and man, can he fight dirty. So getting sleep was pretty rare some nights but luckily my mom loved to flip around channels and watch late night b-horror flicks on television. This helped her get her fix of watching stupid people getting killed and helped me drop like a sack of potatoes as soon as the credits rolled. It was almost like the flicks would scare the sandman away or something.
Had I known how rare it would be in the future to find old horror flicks playing late on television(I blame infomercials) I would have recorded alot of those programs on the VCR.
I loved watching the CBS LATE MOVIE. (First time I ever thought that an army of crabs could actually be scary and not just a big parade of cute.)
And I was probably the only boy that preferred it when Gilbert Gottfried was hosting USA‘s UP ALL NIGHT instead of Rhonda Sheer. I thought his irritating voice and camera awkwardness just fit so perfectly with all b-movies he was forced to host.
But my absolute favorite late night horror offering was TNT’s MonsterVision. It was just a wonderful marathon of old horror that would play late nights. Lots of movies from the 60s-80s. (Loved those Godzilla marathons and 100% weird!)
Especially later, when Joe Bob Briggs was hosting. His cowboy look and demeanor seemed to me so conflicting with his love and knowledge of exploitation drive-in and other random b-movie trivia. I loved how he’d begin with his “drive in totals”, where he would list all the random things to look out for in tonights flick and end each show with bad joke or two.
James Rolfe has an excellent tribute vid to monstervision…kinda hard to watch because of how bad I miss it. Take a look.
“Did you guys hear the one about this mangy-lookin guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink? The bartender says, “No way. You don’t look like you can pay for it.” The guy says, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?” The bartender says, “Only if what you show me ain’t risqué.” So the guy says, “Deal!” and he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down a barstool, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the keyboard and starts playing Gershwin songs. The hamster’s really good. The bartender says, “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that before,” and he gives the guy a drink. The guy downs it and asks for another. The bartender says, “Money or another miracle, or else no drink.” The guys reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has an incredible voice and great pitch, he’s really a fine singer.A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says, “Deal,” takes the three hundred and gives the frog to the stranger, who runs out of the bar with it. The bartender says to the guy, “Are you some kinda nut?! You sold a singing frog for $300? It must’ve been worth millions. You must be crazy!” And the guy says, “No. The hamster is also a ventriloquist.”
Joe Bob Briggs, reminding you that the drive-in will never die.”